Relationship
02-18-11 12:48
Relationships are difficult, but they are still worth it. When looking at my relationship with my wife, we have had a lot of fights and arguments. If I had to think of the biggest issues, its all the ones that usually cause relationships to fail. Family, and friends.
Family originally was rather difficult, since I believe they were not supportive of my relationship with their daughter. I gathered this conclusion based off of them not being encouraging of our relationship in any step of the way after we got engaged. Sure, I can understand that they thought we went fast, I wish they had become more supportive. But while they were trying to convince us to wait, a lot of craziness occurred between my wife and I. It was a very difficult time in our relationship.
Friends. Friends is a difficult one at times too. Especially when someone in the relationship does not entirely like a friend of theirs. Unfortunately, this added a ton of craziness too. Probably my own fault.
What makes me sad is that through this, there is so much craziness is that words that I wish were never said can never be taken back, which just means I have to work through those hurts that was created. I understand that while in fights, sometimes the fight seems so hopeless that its hard to find the light in the tunnel, which causes words to be said that I wish was never said. The question, is this relationship going to continue? Its an affective way to get my attention because I do not believe in divorce and would do anything to save the relationship. Just hurts me that's what was said in order to get may attention and the seriousness of the problem.
Friends and family should never be the reason why a relationship is dissolved. I do not know what to do to fix my damaged marriage except continue to try and tell her I love her and I wish the changing process with the things that I need to work on worked more quickly than it does.
Why can't I listen better? A skill I dearly wished I had mastered at an early age.
I need to also remember, is this a small thing? If I can answer yes to that question, its really not worth fighting about and getting bent out of shape.
I am trying my best to be a good husband. I hope in the future I can become just that. A good husband.
Over the years, because of so much hostility from everyone I probably have become more paranoid. I need to remember that just because I am married to her does not mean she can't have a social life away from me and just because she may not be in my presence does not mean she doesn't want to be with me, but just wants to be with her friends for a little and then come back home to me. I also need to remember that just because friends may say something that I do not agree with does not automatically mean that my wife would go along with it too.
Thinking about the relationship. The odds is against me. 2/3rds of our relationship has been in fights. 1/3rd of our relationship has been through love. I pray that I can change this pattern because I do love her. I want her to enjoy life. A lot of the big issues have been cleared up, but why does the small ones have to outnumber the big ones and add up. Unless its a moral issue to me, most things really is a small issue and I should be able to overlook those issues.
To my lovely wife,
I vow to be yours and yours alone, faithful and true.
I vow to be on our side, not my side. I vow to be loyal to you.
I vow to not put anyone else above you, especially myself.
I vow to myself that I will grow and stop being so stupid when it comes to friends, family, and small issues.
I vow to myself that I will listen, and listen, and listen. I will do my best that when I need to say something to take my time and wait to make sure it is okay. I vow to do my best to be slow to speak, quick to listen. Not to just hear, but truly listen.
To her friend, you know who you are,
I am sorry. I choose to no longer believe that you are against us. Though we are one different poles of belief systems, now that we have gone through so much craziness unfortunately. (wow..my life pattern seems to be craziness before it gets better, why?) We begin to learn to communicate better and hopefully that will make things better between my wife and you.
To my wife, I am sorry about how difficult this process has been for you. I will take the blame. I am sorry that I wouldn't take the blame before, I should have listened to you and called your friend instead of messages, maybe this would have never happened. I am deeply sorry and I am really sorry how this affected our relationship and seemed to almost end it too. The blame is mine. Mine alone. I am sorry. I love you. I wish there was a way to get the pain away from you and the memories away, how I regret so many things and never feel like I can make up for the pain I have caused you. Its easy to forgive you, I just wish it was not so difficult to forgive myself.
Family originally was rather difficult, since I believe they were not supportive of my relationship with their daughter. I gathered this conclusion based off of them not being encouraging of our relationship in any step of the way after we got engaged. Sure, I can understand that they thought we went fast, I wish they had become more supportive. But while they were trying to convince us to wait, a lot of craziness occurred between my wife and I. It was a very difficult time in our relationship.
Friends. Friends is a difficult one at times too. Especially when someone in the relationship does not entirely like a friend of theirs. Unfortunately, this added a ton of craziness too. Probably my own fault.
What makes me sad is that through this, there is so much craziness is that words that I wish were never said can never be taken back, which just means I have to work through those hurts that was created. I understand that while in fights, sometimes the fight seems so hopeless that its hard to find the light in the tunnel, which causes words to be said that I wish was never said. The question, is this relationship going to continue? Its an affective way to get my attention because I do not believe in divorce and would do anything to save the relationship. Just hurts me that's what was said in order to get may attention and the seriousness of the problem.
Friends and family should never be the reason why a relationship is dissolved. I do not know what to do to fix my damaged marriage except continue to try and tell her I love her and I wish the changing process with the things that I need to work on worked more quickly than it does.
Why can't I listen better? A skill I dearly wished I had mastered at an early age.
I need to also remember, is this a small thing? If I can answer yes to that question, its really not worth fighting about and getting bent out of shape.
I am trying my best to be a good husband. I hope in the future I can become just that. A good husband.
Over the years, because of so much hostility from everyone I probably have become more paranoid. I need to remember that just because I am married to her does not mean she can't have a social life away from me and just because she may not be in my presence does not mean she doesn't want to be with me, but just wants to be with her friends for a little and then come back home to me. I also need to remember that just because friends may say something that I do not agree with does not automatically mean that my wife would go along with it too.
Thinking about the relationship. The odds is against me. 2/3rds of our relationship has been in fights. 1/3rd of our relationship has been through love. I pray that I can change this pattern because I do love her. I want her to enjoy life. A lot of the big issues have been cleared up, but why does the small ones have to outnumber the big ones and add up. Unless its a moral issue to me, most things really is a small issue and I should be able to overlook those issues.
To my lovely wife,
I vow to be yours and yours alone, faithful and true.
I vow to be on our side, not my side. I vow to be loyal to you.
I vow to not put anyone else above you, especially myself.
I vow to myself that I will grow and stop being so stupid when it comes to friends, family, and small issues.
I vow to myself that I will listen, and listen, and listen. I will do my best that when I need to say something to take my time and wait to make sure it is okay. I vow to do my best to be slow to speak, quick to listen. Not to just hear, but truly listen.
To her friend, you know who you are,
I am sorry. I choose to no longer believe that you are against us. Though we are one different poles of belief systems, now that we have gone through so much craziness unfortunately. (wow..my life pattern seems to be craziness before it gets better, why?) We begin to learn to communicate better and hopefully that will make things better between my wife and you.
To my wife, I am sorry about how difficult this process has been for you. I will take the blame. I am sorry that I wouldn't take the blame before, I should have listened to you and called your friend instead of messages, maybe this would have never happened. I am deeply sorry and I am really sorry how this affected our relationship and seemed to almost end it too. The blame is mine. Mine alone. I am sorry. I love you. I wish there was a way to get the pain away from you and the memories away, how I regret so many things and never feel like I can make up for the pain I have caused you. Its easy to forgive you, I just wish it was not so difficult to forgive myself.